My friends are people who are doing well, who are happy purposeful people. They are connected by those who I have chosen to keep around, the fabric of my life I knew was important the moment I met them.
This has been the case with series of people in various places of my living, in only 26 years. I am grateful and bewildered by the community which supports cheerfulness, and magnifies the weight of living next to the weight of grief.
Many of the words that cycle through my head are memories of lives I am still living, in the alternate headspace of nostalgia, in the refusal to forget things which truly mattered.
The past few years have been a magnificent surprise. Reassurance from whichever cosmic forces once felt like tricksy fools have become the hedwigs of serendipity – when I least expect it, a peaceful beacon of comfort. A reminder that there is another world beyond the one our physical body is living in.
Thanks to cell phones, and facebook, and instagramming our favourite snapchats of the day all help stitch our favourite memories of today next to the imperfect offering of yesterday. We weave these fabrics as solo agents, but also beside each other more honestly than many cultures previously had permitted.
These moments unite us with stitches of fisherman’s twine. Accidental lessons, and futuristic dreams become one in the same, less distant with every odd seed creating the most beautiful flower. Less out of reach when trees widen above as they do below; less disconnected when we understand our fears run as deep as our love.
Without naming particular names, it is hard to tell the details of the story which has been a result of a serious attitude adjustment, quarter-life identity crisis, and vulnerable strength enough to pursue a particular fascination with hopes to turn it into a career.
The map of this journey has been a yin-yang of jungalungalays and having fun with da baes. (in the Bay of Funday)
It has been a road trip and a train journey. It has been a reminder of human endurance, and resulting creativity.
I am sure to document each new particularly important era by means of travel notes and desire paths – both real and imaginary.
I do not pretend you understand me. But I offer you the most sincere challenge to get to know me, if you care to do this two step in 3/4 time
I am hardly a heartbreaker, but I hope for the best in all our smiles.
This series of eras, of my getting to know myself, happened in waves. Like any privilege may offer, there were blissful opportunities to understand happiness. Yet like most of reality, though the world it might be dangerous, all it seems to do is turn – meaning the best situations get shaken up sometimes. My lesson of the decade is how we can all be hurt sometimes; and we can all sometimes hurt.
I keep myself a half step back from most crowds, until I want to be right in them.
I find safe spaces to remain cautious in, yet trust people in the concert crowd brushed their teeth when they ate pad thai for supper.
(of course the security is false, peanuts are everywhere. Danger is everywhere. We have a blissful setting which can be tuned into.
It doesn’t mean I’m always happy, it doesn’t mean I’m comfortable half the time. But it does allow for the opportunity.
The opportunity to become more true to myself is something which I never knew the magnitude of…in this capacity. Love is an indominable fear that we must live through all the time. If we do things correctly, we can work through the fear and become stronger people.